I am miserable.. I keep singing sad love songs...
Why? Oh why? I hate this feeling called jealousy.. It makes me sick... What I hate the most is that I am angry at a person who done nothing wrong to me...
It started when my bf start bragging about his friend... It's okay he's talking about her but NOT every single topic we talk he will include her.. I feel like he admired her more than me... Well, I don't blame him because that girl is so pretty, has abs (perfect body), and she's kind and mostly, cool...
I used to be a jealous tiger but I changed that when my first relationship cracked because of that... Now, I get jealous minimal issues.. But now, I don't know.. It's like his purposely making me jealous or he is just tactless..
If I'm like this.. I say things.. bad things... I hate this feeling.. I'm hating a girl that is so kind.. I feel like I'm a monster.. no, more horrible than a monster...
I wonder how can I erase this feeling..
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
DRAWINGS!!!
This is my drawings which I draw on Christmas break.. Sorry for the quality because I only use cam in this and I did not scan it... tsk3x,,
I have been busy last 2 weeks cause family bonding!!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Simple thoughts
I know you've hurt me a couple of times but you are my man and I love you no matter what even if you forget me
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Busy.. BUsy... BUSy.... BUSY week
It's almost Christmas and everyone in town is busy preparing their presents and feast for Christmas...
Well, not for us... we do not have any decorations and the holiday spirit... Our religion doesn't celebrate Christmas because we do not believe that Christ was born in this time of year (P.S. To other religions please don't misunderstand)
Still.. we are preparing for my fathers and cousin's birthday because they were both born on December 21 and we decided to celebrate both birthdays.. But my father was against it... He doesn't like sharing it with another person... He isn't home this time because he is on another country working and he isn't going to be home until next year so, the idea of celebrating his birthday with him not around is a hurtful think for him or I think so.
My father always has a temper My mother was like under his control because he doesn't like someone go against his wishes. He was always strict and kinda manipulative.. Because he is always not around the house, he thinks me and brother are still kids that we couldn't do anything right. I still remember my older brother when he was still young, my father would tie him outside because he was home late and sometimes to the point he would not let my brother inside the house. Meanwhile, I on the other hand, didn't experience much torturing from him.. But i do remember when I ride a bicycle when I was 6 years old he shouted at me and chain me to the chair, and forbid me to eat supper ( I know it's kinda extreme but he is a discipliner kind of guy)
I used to hear stories from my mom that my dad was once an activist and was always running for his life when it was martial law here in Philippines.. He hid in the mountains and let his hair and beard grow so that no one will recognize him.. He is the kind of person who uses force to solve things maybe that's the reason he handle his family this way. Now that I grow up he is still very strict and doesn't let me got to the pool with my friend,even my brother even though his 21 years old. Since I got depressed, he is learning to control his temper but his manipulative in nature is still there but my mom lecture him sometimes which is funny because she never do that before. Still, I'm kinda thankful that my father is like that because I am not like other teenagers who drinks, smokes, taking drugs and partying late at night without parents permission... When I go out, I always say to my parents where I'm going and who I am with.. I never drink nor smoke.. I always finish my homework before watching TV or using the internet., I'm happy this way.. My father just need a little adjustment now that we are all grown up.. Maybe that's why he always strict on us because he is afraid that we may not need him anymore..
Please be more kind to your parents.. they are just scared that they are not needed anymore when we make decisions on our own... Try making them understand that we need them as PARENTS not PARENTAL GUIDANCE...
Busy preparing for my the birthday's.. Hope my father understands.
TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS:
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL AND YOU HAVE A JOYOUS HOLIDAY
Well, not for us... we do not have any decorations and the holiday spirit... Our religion doesn't celebrate Christmas because we do not believe that Christ was born in this time of year (P.S. To other religions please don't misunderstand)
Still.. we are preparing for my fathers and cousin's birthday because they were both born on December 21 and we decided to celebrate both birthdays.. But my father was against it... He doesn't like sharing it with another person... He isn't home this time because he is on another country working and he isn't going to be home until next year so, the idea of celebrating his birthday with him not around is a hurtful think for him or I think so.
My father always has a temper My mother was like under his control because he doesn't like someone go against his wishes. He was always strict and kinda manipulative.. Because he is always not around the house, he thinks me and brother are still kids that we couldn't do anything right. I still remember my older brother when he was still young, my father would tie him outside because he was home late and sometimes to the point he would not let my brother inside the house. Meanwhile, I on the other hand, didn't experience much torturing from him.. But i do remember when I ride a bicycle when I was 6 years old he shouted at me and chain me to the chair, and forbid me to eat supper ( I know it's kinda extreme but he is a discipliner kind of guy)
I used to hear stories from my mom that my dad was once an activist and was always running for his life when it was martial law here in Philippines.. He hid in the mountains and let his hair and beard grow so that no one will recognize him.. He is the kind of person who uses force to solve things maybe that's the reason he handle his family this way. Now that I grow up he is still very strict and doesn't let me got to the pool with my friend,even my brother even though his 21 years old. Since I got depressed, he is learning to control his temper but his manipulative in nature is still there but my mom lecture him sometimes which is funny because she never do that before. Still, I'm kinda thankful that my father is like that because I am not like other teenagers who drinks, smokes, taking drugs and partying late at night without parents permission... When I go out, I always say to my parents where I'm going and who I am with.. I never drink nor smoke.. I always finish my homework before watching TV or using the internet., I'm happy this way.. My father just need a little adjustment now that we are all grown up.. Maybe that's why he always strict on us because he is afraid that we may not need him anymore..
Please be more kind to your parents.. they are just scared that they are not needed anymore when we make decisions on our own... Try making them understand that we need them as PARENTS not PARENTAL GUIDANCE...
Busy preparing for my the birthday's.. Hope my father understands.
TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS:
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL AND YOU HAVE A JOYOUS HOLIDAY
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Life Lessons from Lovebirds
1. If you spend too much time looking in the mirror, it's easy to lose your balance.
2. Always keep a pleasant look on your face, even if your cage needs cleaning.
3. If your mate wants to share your perch with you, move over.
4. The real treats in life usually come only after you've cracked a few hulls.
5. It takes two to snuggle.
6. Sometimes your mate can see mites you didn't even know you had.
7. Singing draws more attention than squawking.
8. It is only when your feathers get ruffled that your true colors really show.
9. Too many toys can be distracting
10. When you have love in your heart, everyone around you will find joy in your presence.
Monday, December 6, 2010
DeEp SeCretS
I have a big PROBLEM in hand... I didn't like this one bit.. I have been crying for months because of this... I just can't stop thinking about it that it caused insomnia and every time I see and advertise or any TV shows related to my problem.. I just got scared.. I want to ask help for my friends and family but I just can't... I don't want to burden anymore.. I stop going outside my house.. I sulk inside my room and imagine myself that it's going to be just alright..
When facing my own problems I just want to do it myself.. I don't seek help to other people and now, a problem so big makes me want to cry in my mother's arm and tell her everything. I'm always busy type of person.. I just don't want to sit and do nothing, (not unless my favorite shows are on) I always find ways to do something or I just scream to the top of my lungs... but.. sometimes I just want somebody to hold me... As always, I am afraid to do that because I think I will let my guard down... I didn't do that to my boyfriend.. I don't cry in front of him and I certainly don't want to cry in somebody else's arms... I just wish the world would stop once in a while.
When facing my own problems I just want to do it myself.. I don't seek help to other people and now, a problem so big makes me want to cry in my mother's arm and tell her everything. I'm always busy type of person.. I just don't want to sit and do nothing, (not unless my favorite shows are on) I always find ways to do something or I just scream to the top of my lungs... but.. sometimes I just want somebody to hold me... As always, I am afraid to do that because I think I will let my guard down... I didn't do that to my boyfriend.. I don't cry in front of him and I certainly don't want to cry in somebody else's arms... I just wish the world would stop once in a while.
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